GEMS

It was on the staircase of GEMS Ltd that we first kissed. On the second and third step going downwards. Surrounded by doubt and the knowledge that we were doing something completely wrong but emotionally right. It had to be emotionally right!  It had to be, because as much as my mind and body knew to stay away from him, to look away whenever I caught his eyes on me in the conference room. To ignore the instant emotional electrocution that came from the feeling of his fingers against mine as I handed him a file in the morning. As much as my mind knew to stay away from these feelings and do ‘the right thing’. My heart charged on like a soldier leading a battle into a smaller city and certain of a win. As much as my brain tagged him as trouble and labeled him toxic to my mental, physical and psychological wellbeing, my stupid heart forged on.Well, I was a fool with him and being foolish felt so damn good, so good that I didn’t want to be wise. I didn’t want to be wise if it meant suppressing how I felt about him. I would watch him like a hawk as he walked into his office on Monday mornings after a long weekend of not seeing him, looking nothing but perfect. His suit,well-tailored and neatly ironed. I thought of accidentally running into him and spilling tea on his suit like in the movies. It wasn’t just because I wanted to get his attention or because I wanted to melt myself in the warmness of his brown eyes. It wasn’t just because I wanted to get a whiff of that beautifully made scent of his, but also because I felt like I had to disturb his perfection. It was too much, no one is supposed to be that perfect, except God. I wanted to see him imperfect and scattered. For once I wanted him to appear less like an Egyptian God and more like a human being. He would pass me a smile on his way into his office but I never smiled back at him. I wasn’t sure if he actually smiled at me or if it was all in my head. With him, I couldn't really tell imagination from reality. But on that Rose-smelling Friday evening after work when he placed his lips on mine and his hands on my neck as he dug further into my mouth, I knew he had actually smiled at me. I knew that the short but highly memorable glances we shared during the occasional meetings at the office were not coincidental. I placed my hands on his chest and got comfortable. I would look into his beautiful brown eyes but it was a bit dark. I could feel his eyes on me, touching me. I could feel him touch me with his eyes. I smiled as his hands finally made its way down to my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I thought if this was a dream, God had better not wake me up just yet. If I was dreaming, I’d like to see the end of it. It was just the both of us in our heavenly space. The janitor could be somewhere around the corner looking, an over dedicated worker could decide to head home any minute and bump into the ‘married’ boss and his beautiful very single worker making out on the staircase of GEMS Ltd. We could become the topic of next week’s office gossip but I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. In between his good looking, rich, good smelling self and my fatally flawed, and totally smitten self, there was no way I could care.
“I like you Claire Douglas” He said as our lips slowly parted ways and he picked up his suitcase from the floor of the staircase and made his way downstairs. Silence...Dizzy spells...Silence...
If this was a dream,this is the part where I wake up. This is the part I open my eyes to the white colored paint of my scattered room. This is the time I wake up to the smell of my roommate’s version of noodle; the smell of sardine and green pepper.
But I didn’t. I was awake, I wasn’t dreaming. He had just kissed me. I wasn’t sure how. He had kissed amnesia into me.
"No! This is not the time to have a brain fart."
Every detail had to be remembered. If not for myself but for Bella, my roommate, who is worse than a highly trained interrogator. You would be making a mistake if you told Bella anything without having the details. I watched him go down the stairs with so much confidence while I struggled to find a balance after the dizzy spell he had cast on me. I quickly placed my palms against the wall for support. I picked up the files on the floor and headed to my office.
I thought of how it had all happened in my head.
I could remember working in my office and rushing to finish the work I was doing before heading home.
I could remember needing his signature on a document, then walking to his office to drop the file.
I could remember meeting him on his way out and walking with him to the staircase as we discussed the information in the document. I smiled, but I couldn’t remember what he had said. No! I had to. It was a question.
“It's 6pm and you look like you just started the day. How do you do it Claire? ”
I remember talking about sleep, food and some other thing with him as I basked in the sound of my name from his lips. Then silence. Then his briefcase was on the floor and his soft lips on mine, and then the documents were on the floor.
Every other detail after then, Can never be forgotten...