MIRROR IMAGE
I slowly ate the last part of the chocolate and threw the wrapper straight into the bin. I watched it enter the waste bin and it led me straight to the evidence of the five sneaker bars I had taken before then. I felt my tummy rumble and grumble from excess sugar. I didn’t want to put on more weight but I wished I could eat the pain away. A part of me screamed and beckoned for help but I couldn’t help myself. I walked into the kitchen and took out the burger I hid from my best friend Ese from the shelve. I slowly ate happiness into myself, drowning the sadness into the burger, soaking the memories of the death of my father into it. I wasn’t sure which pain I had erased with the excess food. Was it the loss of my father? Or the absence of my boyfriend Jide, who had decided to take a break until I got help from a specialist concerning my eating habit.
I missed papa.
He was my only source of encouragement. I didn’t know much about my mother growing up. My father was all the parent I had. I was at a low time in my life and depression was now part of my life. The burger on the other hand felt so much better than life itself. I heard a knock on the door and immediately rushed to hide the burger. I wasn’t sure why I did, but I didn’t want anyone asking me questions I wasn’t ready to answer.
‘‘Jen, I have been calling you for hours now’’ Ese said as she hurriedly stormed into the house.
‘‘Oh, my phone was probably on silent. I’m sorry" I shouted from the kitchen. I heard her footsteps as she walked into her room and I quietly made my way back into my room with my burger tucked away safely inside my blouse. I got into my room and sat on my bed and there it was; a mirror image of a fat, unhealthy version of myself. No wonder Jide left me. I stood up, walked closer to the mirror and lifted my blue coloured top off my body to see clearly just how I had gone from a completely slim figure to someone with all these belly fats. I didn’t like what I had seen and a rush of anger came down on me. I sank back into my bed and began to sob. I had taken too may cookies, chocolates and burgers. I couldn’t stop. I still can’t stop. I wasn't in control. I angrily took the remaining burger on my bed and threw it against the wall of my room. I wasn’t sure why I had done that because I could probably crave it in a matter of minutes. I watched the burger bounce off the wall and onto the ground.
"Jen!" Ese's voice echoed in my room. I could tell she was surprised.
I was not aware she had come into the room. I wasn't aware she had walked in on me standing and angrily staring at the wall. Ese hugged me tightly allowing me cry in her arms. I knew I needed help. My binge eating was getting out of hand. I have bee secretly eating unhealthy meals. Most times, Ese have had to hide them away from me but I still found a way to get them into my system during one of my binge eating episodes. Tears rolled down my face,right there in Ese's arms, I felt angry and ashamed. In between my sobs and tears,I could here Ese's kind words. Her voice was shaky. She was either crying or about to. I wasn't sure. I couldn't really understand what she was saying until she repeatedly asked me a question.
"Promise me you would go,Jen?" I wasn't sure what exactly she was saying but I nodded anyway. We sat on the floor of my room for a while and she hugged me tightly until I stopped crying.
"Ese, don't you have somewhere you have to be?" I asked as I made an unsuccessful attempt at breaking free from her arms.
"It can wait. My best friend needs me" I smiled. She has always been my strongest support system.
"Your best friend wouldn't mind you letting go right now". I said and we both laughed, then she let go of me.
"I will be fine. Thank you" I continued. She nodded and headed for the door.
She stooped.
"Jen,remember you promised to see Dr. Ifeoma. I would make an appointment for 8AM tomorrow. I'm sure she would be glad to see you"
I smiled "Okay. And Ese" I paused "Thank you". She shut the door and I heard the sound of her footsteps grow fainter until I could no longer hear them. I lay down on my bed and slept off.
Dr. Ifeoma’s office wasn’t what I had expected it to be. It was homely and colorful. She always seemed more official than her office showed. Jen had always tried booking appointments with her and had once introduced me to her but I never accepted I had any issue mentally and psychologically. Here I was in her office skeptical but hopeful.
"Good morning Jennifer" Dr. Ifeoma said as she walked into her office,happy and full of life. She seemed different. She was happier. I felt I could tap from her Joy.
"Good morning Dr. Ifeoma" She smiled at me. And I saw it, my road to recovery.
I missed papa.
He was my only source of encouragement. I didn’t know much about my mother growing up. My father was all the parent I had. I was at a low time in my life and depression was now part of my life. The burger on the other hand felt so much better than life itself. I heard a knock on the door and immediately rushed to hide the burger. I wasn’t sure why I did, but I didn’t want anyone asking me questions I wasn’t ready to answer.
‘‘Jen, I have been calling you for hours now’’ Ese said as she hurriedly stormed into the house.
‘‘Oh, my phone was probably on silent. I’m sorry" I shouted from the kitchen. I heard her footsteps as she walked into her room and I quietly made my way back into my room with my burger tucked away safely inside my blouse. I got into my room and sat on my bed and there it was; a mirror image of a fat, unhealthy version of myself. No wonder Jide left me. I stood up, walked closer to the mirror and lifted my blue coloured top off my body to see clearly just how I had gone from a completely slim figure to someone with all these belly fats. I didn’t like what I had seen and a rush of anger came down on me. I sank back into my bed and began to sob. I had taken too may cookies, chocolates and burgers. I couldn’t stop. I still can’t stop. I wasn't in control. I angrily took the remaining burger on my bed and threw it against the wall of my room. I wasn’t sure why I had done that because I could probably crave it in a matter of minutes. I watched the burger bounce off the wall and onto the ground.
"Jen!" Ese's voice echoed in my room. I could tell she was surprised.
I was not aware she had come into the room. I wasn't aware she had walked in on me standing and angrily staring at the wall. Ese hugged me tightly allowing me cry in her arms. I knew I needed help. My binge eating was getting out of hand. I have bee secretly eating unhealthy meals. Most times, Ese have had to hide them away from me but I still found a way to get them into my system during one of my binge eating episodes. Tears rolled down my face,right there in Ese's arms, I felt angry and ashamed. In between my sobs and tears,I could here Ese's kind words. Her voice was shaky. She was either crying or about to. I wasn't sure. I couldn't really understand what she was saying until she repeatedly asked me a question.
"Promise me you would go,Jen?" I wasn't sure what exactly she was saying but I nodded anyway. We sat on the floor of my room for a while and she hugged me tightly until I stopped crying.
"Ese, don't you have somewhere you have to be?" I asked as I made an unsuccessful attempt at breaking free from her arms.
"It can wait. My best friend needs me" I smiled. She has always been my strongest support system.
"Your best friend wouldn't mind you letting go right now". I said and we both laughed, then she let go of me.
"I will be fine. Thank you" I continued. She nodded and headed for the door.
She stooped.
"Jen,remember you promised to see Dr. Ifeoma. I would make an appointment for 8AM tomorrow. I'm sure she would be glad to see you"
I smiled "Okay. And Ese" I paused "Thank you". She shut the door and I heard the sound of her footsteps grow fainter until I could no longer hear them. I lay down on my bed and slept off.
Dr. Ifeoma’s office wasn’t what I had expected it to be. It was homely and colorful. She always seemed more official than her office showed. Jen had always tried booking appointments with her and had once introduced me to her but I never accepted I had any issue mentally and psychologically. Here I was in her office skeptical but hopeful.
"Good morning Jennifer" Dr. Ifeoma said as she walked into her office,happy and full of life. She seemed different. She was happier. I felt I could tap from her Joy.
"Good morning Dr. Ifeoma" She smiled at me. And I saw it, my road to recovery.
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